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陷溺或救贖? ──論愛情關係中的依賴問題 |
Drowning or redemption? — On the problem of dependence in love relationship |
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作者 |
霍晉明 |
Author |
Jin-Ming Huoh |
關鍵詞 |
愛情學、
自由、
依賴、
曾昭旭
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Keywords |
love studies,
freedom,
dependence,
Zeng Zhaoxu(曾昭旭)
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摘要 |
在曾昭旭教授所創建的愛情學中,「愛是人性自由之表現」為一重要的概念。而自由可包含二層次,一為自由之境界,一為選擇之自由。本文將論證此二者在愛情中足以成立之理由。簡言之,即,愛情即是二人彼此融合無間之感情狀態;而人之突破人我限制而與他人達到水乳交融合為一體之感受,即個人突破自我限制而與對象融為一體所獲得之自由之感受。故愛情之境界即為自由境界之一例。而自由之境界,必經自由意願而成就之,故愛情必出於自由之意願。而一般人及某些文藝作品,或以兩人間的依賴關係為愛情之一表徵。然依賴即是將自我生命情狀依託於對方以決定之,即個人將自身之幸福感依於對方或彼此之感情以決定之。此與自由之境界實相違背。蓋自由即無所要求、無所依賴之情狀也。而依賴即「非要不背。故依賴的態度將不能成功地形成愛情之狀態。
在理論解析之後,本文將進一步對「依賴」之態度作具體的分析。首先將「依賴」分為對感情之依賴與對個人之依賴兩種。對前者而言,本文論證了感情本身無法成為依賴之對象。而一般所謂對感情之依賴,實為對「記憶中之感情」之依賴。而記憶不可能成為依賴的對象,故此途徑必然失敗。對於後者(對人之依賴),本文又分為單向依賴與雙向依賴。單向之不可能,是因為被依賴者可能不堪長期的負荷,或即便可以承担依賴,而依賴者本身,仍將因為「依賴心態」所造成的不平等,而與要求相互平等之自我尊嚴相違背,因而導致愛情關係的失敗。至於雙向依賴,則雖可能抹去「不平等」的問題,但仍會因為缺乏可行之外在條件而難以為繼,或因相互利用而失去愛情之本義。且依賴本身所形成之「害怕失去」的緊張感,正與愛情之自由自在的舒暢感相違背。故不論從什麼角度看,依賴均無法形成成功之愛情。
然我們不能忽略,確實有許多人在愛情之中出現依賴的情緒且難以克服,因而形成了諸多困擾。本文最後兩段,提出了以「誠實」、「接納」為基礎的解決方式,為此問題提供了「生命自身吐故納新」的解決之道。
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Abstract |
In the love study created by Professor Zeng Zhaoxu(曾昭旭), “love is free” is an important concept. There are two kinds of freedom, one is the realm of freedom and the other is the freedom of choice. This article will demonstrate the reasons why these two are tenable in love.
Some people and some literary works regard the dependence between two people as a sign of love. But “dependence” and “freedom” are opposite concepts.
This paper will further analyze the attitude of “dependence” in detail. First of all, “dependence” is divided into two types: dependence on feelings and dependence on people. And “dependence on people” is divided into one-way dependence and two-way dependence. This article will demonstrate that any form of “dependency” cannot form a successful love.
However, we can't ignore that there are indeed many people who have the emotion of dependence in love and worry about it. The last two paragraphs of this paper propose an “honesty”-based solution, which provides a concrete and feasible solution to this problem. |
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